Tag: relationships

Categories
Relationships

The Need for Community in the midst of COVID and the Loss of a Job

Well, it’s been almost a year-and-a-half since I have posted on my website. For the first three years of my site (2014-16), I was faithful to post multiple times each week. Then my postings became less consistent during the next two years. And in 2019 I took a break from posting on this site, as our church began a Bible reading plan together. During that time, I chose to shift from posting here to posting to our Church Bible reading Facebook group. I planned to get back to posting here in January 2020 after we completed our Bible reading, but then I took on a new job with LifeWay in late 2019. I went through training, “hit the road” with the new work in January, and felt I was just about ready to resume posting, as I felt that I had gotten into a routine.
But then COVID hit.
And routine went out the window.

Fast-forward several weeks… into the “shelter-at-home” work routine, as we have all been struggling to figure out. And just about the time I thought I had a handle on it… on April 29th, our LifeWay Church Partner team was told that our department was being eliminated due to the economic downturn. Ummm…. wait, what?

Wow… talk about an announcement that turns your world upside-down! But of course, this just puts me in a situation like many other people. I can certainly now relate to that feeling you get when you are “let go” from a job.one person in an empty parking lot - pointing out our need for community

So I spent the past week-and-a-half getting my resume together, answering phone calls and emails about the loss of the job (and having such amazing support from everyone!), and praying about what God’s next assignment will be for us. And now that I am through with the 2019 Churchwide Bible reading plan, my late 2019 training for LifeWay, my early 2020 new work routine, my recent job loss announcement, and this last week of resume preparation… What should I do with my time? Well, I think it is time to use some time to get back into posting on the website.

So here goes…
Let me start with something I recently shared with my team that I read from Andrew Peterson’s book, Adorning The Dark, about the need for community with others. Peterson is a song-writer, and these excerpts from his book are about his own “loss of a job” when he got the call that his contract was not being renewed by his recording label.

…I got the fated phone call that I was being dropped.

Oh, how I wished Rich Mullins were still alive, just to have someone to talk to. I didn’t want to be worried about money. I wanted to be a barefoot vagabond musician who laughed his way through trouble and sang about Jesus to whomever would listen. But when you have a wife and three babies, you can’t just not think about money. I needed to pay the mortgage. I needed to pay for diapers, formula, shoes, electricity. And at the same time there was this calling, this vocation, which as far as I could tell hadn’t changed.

…in the moment I was devastated. …I can still remember the brick-in-the-gut feeling I had when the call was over, the eerie, foreboding sense that something significant had just happened which would alter the shape of my life. …I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, wiped a tear from my eye, and walked back into the studio. The guys were probably laughing at something and didn’t notice at first that my face was pale.

“I just got dropped from my label,” I told them. They stopped laughing and offered their condolences. Then after a few moments of silence someone said, “So about this guitar part. Do you want it to come in at the top of the chorus?”
And we were off and running.

…there was no time to wallow in self-pity, but I was surrounded by friends, by community, by people who told me implicitly by their involvement in my life and work that this was still worth doing, label or no label. It felt so good to walk back into that basement, roll up my sleeves, and try to craft an album about Jesus.

That’s community. They look you in the eye and remind you who you are in Christ. They reiterate your calling when you forget what it is. They step into the garden and help you weed it, help you to grow something beautiful.

…[We chose to] stay the course and keep writing the kinds of songs we believed in…. And the only way we could see [this] option working was to lock arms with one another in community. …Suddenly, label or no label, radio or no radio, we belonged to something, and that something was each other. We were no longer alone. Perhaps most important, it meant that whenever I was discouraged, I had friends who gave me courage. If I wanted to quit, someone was there to look me in the eye and tell me my songs mattered….

We all need community. I have it with the team members who are on the same journey with me now that our team has been eliminated. I have it with a group of pastors who have been my co-laborers and friends. I have it with a church family that has grown me over the past 10.5 years and has been so supportive of me now that I have lost this recent job. Who do you have community with? (If you don’t feel connected to community like Peterson talks about, I would me encourage you to connect with a local church family who will hold out both love and truth to you at the same time. They are who have provided me the most consistent community throughout my life.)

Paige and I are so very grateful for so many of you who God has placed in our lives to “lock arms” with and travel this journey called life together. Thank you for reminding us who we are in Christ, for giving us courage and support when we are discouraged, and for looking us in the eyes to remind us that our calling from the Lord matters.

Thank you for being a part of my community during this time!
Much love my friends,
Brian

Categories
Christian Living

Initiating Strategic Conversations for the Sake of the Gospel

I received the following question a while back related to the idea of us “changing our conversations”:

I find the challenge of “changing the topic” very interesting. I would like to know what you would consider the “changed topic.” From the casual Wal-Mart conversation to the person you car-pool with to a fellow passenger on a plane, what do you see as ultimate destination of our conversations? I have ideas of the progression from “God is good,” to “God is in control,” to “Jesus is my savior,” to “Jesus is the only way.” If you have some time, how about making a list of the things you wish all of us would spend our day talking to others about.

What a great question! How would you answer it?

A picture of two cups of coffee symbolizing our need to have strategic conversations with others
A cup of coffee with someone is a great place for conversations. But will you have a strategic direction for the conversation?

My response was:
Hmmmm, I’ve been thinking about a list of things I wish people would talk to others about. I’m still not sure about the list, but here are some things that I would encourage people to do:

1. Each Sunday think about the thing that impacted you the most during Bible Study and Worship, and then try to bring that up in conversation with someone during the week. (This could also be done with your daily devotional time, too. What was most impactful? How can I share this with someone today?) For example, maybe the message is on an attitude of joy vs. an attitude of complaint. Then think about what people complain to you about and be prepared on how you will respond to turn the conversation. We know that we all constantly complain about the weather – “it is too hot, too cold, too dry, or too wet.” So we know this will come up. So the next time when someone is complaining to you about the weather being too hot – you might say: “I know! I am the world’s worst about complaining about the weather – about it being too rainy or to dry or too cold. But I heard something this weekend at church that made me think about that: It was the statement that ‘Rain can ruin your weekend or rain can save your life, depending on who you are and what your thirst is like.’ And it got me to thinking about how the weather might be something for me to complain about, but someone else is probably praising God for the same weather. So I’m trying to make a commitment to focus more on the positive. How hard do you think that will be for me?” That gives information on your beliefs, and invites them further into the conversation.

2. Look for opportunities to discuss the relationships you have at church, and to invite people into a relationship with you. For example, at work when someone says, “This weekend was great! I was able to sleep in on Saturday, and on Sunday I went fishing bright and early. We caught a mess of fish.” You could then say something along the lines of: “That sounds great, I love fishing. In fact, one of the guys in my Bible study group was talking to me about us getting together to go to the lake one of these upcoming Saturdays. Would you be interested in going with us?” This points out that you are in a Bible study group, and that you are open to new relationships.

3. Be strategic about talking to other Christians about godly things in the presence of non-Christians. Again, not in weird stuff like a discussion about the “soteriology themes in Revelation as they connect to Ezekiel and the 70 Weeks in Daniel” (what?!), but just about how your relationship with your wife has improved as you have grown in your relationship with God. Doing so allows a non-Christian to hear your conversation and allows a small seed to be planted about how something like that could help out his relationship with his wife.

What else should be included in my answer as to how to practically change our conversations toward God?

.

Categories
Christian Living

The Christian Life is not a Private Matter. It is Life Lived Together.

Many people think that their spiritual beliefs and the way they live out the Christian life is a private matter that no one else has a right to speak into.
photo of a chain with the word "private" to keep people off the property, symbolizing our Christian life is not a private matter
I’ve heard people say things such as, “I go to church, but in regard to how I run my business, the church has no right to say anything.” I’ve also heard, “Well, what he does in his private time is between him and God. That’s not a matter for the church.”

Completely false. Church is a family. And what you do matters to your family. Being a Christian gives you a new name and a new Father. And your actions either glorify His Name or dishonor Him. And the Church family that you have committed to has a responsibility to hold you accountable to glorify His Name. When you join a church family, you are indicating to them that you are willing to be held accountable for your behavior.

I’ve been encouraging you to be in a Discipleship Group. And maybe you were even thinking: “But isn’t my faith a private matter?” And as I just said – Actually it is not.

But don’t take my word for it. Instead, take God’s Word. The Bible gives us many verses about how the Christian life is life lived for Christ together. Look at the list that Robbie Gallaty points out:

    • Love one another. (John 13:34)
    • Be in agreement with one another. (Rom.12:16)
    • Accept one another. (Rom. 15:7)
    • Instruct one another. (Rom. 15:14)
    • Greet one another. (Rom. 16:16)
    • Serve one another. (Gal. 5:13)
    • Be kind and compassionate to one another. (Eph. 4:32)
    • Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Eph. 5:21)
    • Admonish one another with all wisdom. (Col. 3:16)
    • Encourage one another and build each other up. (1 Thess. 5:11)
    • Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another. (James 5:16)
    • Be hospitable to one another. (1 Pet. 4-:9)

Gallaty explains:

    While some of this can be practiced on a Sunday morning, in reality, a D-Group is an ideal setting for living out many of these commands. For example, consider confessing your sins. Larger contexts such as Sunday school or small groups aren’t well-suited for this. But it’s something we need to do regularly, since sin festers and grows in isolation. A d-Group is significantly less threatening for addressing sins, and believers may be more apt to open up about present struggles in this context.
    Dietrich Bonhoeffer emphasizes the dangers of isolation: “Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive the power of sin over him.” This is why participation in a group is essential.
    The concept of a “passive participant” doesn’t make sense either. Everyone comes prepared to contribute. Through community with like-minded brothers and sisters in a discipleship setting modeled by the Master, spiritual growth is made possible, but only insofar as it is based on the firm foundation of God’s Word.

Your Christian faith and your Christian growth and your Christian life is not a private matter. Your Christian life is about being together with others who will help you walk the narrow road well.
Get in a group!
Get growing!

.

Categories
Church

Family: The Gospel Unites Us in a Way Nothing Else Can

photo of the inside of a sanctuary where a church family meets each week
A Church? Nope. An Empty Sanctuary. The Church Meets Here Each Week.

In his book Love in Hard Places, D. A. Carson discusses the fact that church is a family:

The church itself is not made up of natural “friends.” …What binds us together is not common education, common race, common income levels, common politics, common nationality, common accents, common jobs, or anything of the sort. Christians come together…because they have been saved by Jesus Christ and owe him a common allegiance. In the light of this common allegiance, in light of the fact that they have all been loved by Jesus himself, they commit themselves to doing what he says….

In this light, they are a band of natural enemies who love one another for Jesus’ sake.

Do you view your church as family?
Are you bound together in love by Jesus Christ with those you worship with each week?
Are you not that committed to your church because you don’t view them as family?

We gain so much by being part of a church family.
Make sure you have one.
And make sure to love the people in it!

.

Categories
Relationships

The Transactional Relationship – What Can You Do For Me?

a street in the suburbs to go along with the idea of life with transactional relationshipsIn his book, Death by Suburb, David Goetz indicates that American Christianity has drifted into a focus on success and prosperity and the fulfillment of the American dream. The suburbs developed as a place where those with sufficient means could escape some of the unpleasant circumstances of both city and country life (not living in the stress of the inner city, but also not living too far away from modern conveniences). Doing so provides the residents of the suburbs with a high level of comfort, and now we have allowed comfort and security to become idols for us, discouraging us from doing anything uncomfortable for God. This suburb mentality has infiltrated our Christianity and taken our focus off of radical and dangerous living for Christ and His mission.

Which brings us to the transactional relationship. One toxic mindset we’ve developed is: “What will this relationship do for me?” But God encourages us to build deep and meaningful friendships without looking for a better return on our investment. Goetz says:

“In suburban life, we live by the transactional relationship – we are quick to give a helping hand to the man on a ledge a little higher up – so that we can benefit from what they can give us later. Intimacy is the one thing in suburban church that everyone craves but few seem to have. You can’t use transactional relationships and expect to experience in them the kind of friendship that sweetens life and takes the edge off its hard parts. In true friendship (non-transactional), I can feel the grace of God where I experience what it means to be accepted not for the value that I add but for the value I am.”

Are you looking to build relationships only with those who can provide you something in return? When you think about serving someone, do you have the thought in the back of your mind, “How will this provide me with a possible benefit in the future?”

Jesus said: “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment….”

Stop investing only in Transactional Relationships and begin investing in people for the simple facts that they were also created in the image of God, that they are loved by God, and that God calls you to love them too.